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It’s very hard to have perspective when you are in it, but–
1) Rufi’s problem isn’t motherhood. It’s that she is married to someone who does no childcare whatsoever. Maybe they need to renegotiate their values and relationships. And what kind of idiot leaves his underwear on the floor?
2) Yes, it’s impossible to get a lot done when your children are very young. If she does not have any more children it will be about 10 years of her life. Then she can have the next 40 to write her heart out.
3) There are PLENTY of writers who are mothers. I would say prob. 50% of the great ones. This need for drama and bohemian existential crises is a bunch of Hemingway bullshit. Plenty of writers kept to a strict schedule and wrote at set hours during the day. Thomas Mann. Marcel Proust. Yes, you can be a great artist IF you are a great artist, in small spurts every day, although it is harder.
4) Are those childless, neurotic writers (hello Franzen) really happy? Do you want to spend half your life in a lonely hotel room so you can reap praise in the paper? Or do you want a full life, with work, and family?
You are LUCKY, even if your days are long and sometimes frustrating.
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This morning I got a text that woke me from my husband ( who thankfully is employed and went to work at 6:00am). The text, with an attached picture read, “The cat threw up in the hall way. Here is a picture of it so you don’t step in it.” I’m not sure I have to comment further…my life is exactly like yours. Thank you for putting it into words. I find it empowering. and hilarious.. and depressing .. all at once. You are my hero.
Yes, you can partly agree. It’s fine.
Hi, my name is Elizabeth (Liz). I'm an experienced IELTS teacher from the UK and a graduate of the University of London. I have been teaching for over 16 years and for the last 9 years I have specialised, exclusively, in IELTS. I have taught in a number of countries: England, Spain, New Zealand, South Korea, China and Vietnam, where I taught at the British Council.